My daughter says to me, “dad can you not yell at the dog, it scares me”.
Yep swore up and down I wouldn’t do that to my kids. There is some progress though, I would have never thought to voice that in my house growing up. Oh hell no.
So underneath all the pain, all the rage and all the drama is just a person (me) who is afraid of people. Afraid of people hurting him like they have so many times before. Afraid of the world, of the scary things in the world, of the unexpected things in the world like losing my twin sons two months before they were to be born.
God, has it really been 24 years since I got sober? Sometimes I feel like I should be so much more “grown up”, more well-adjusted emotionally just because I have been sober for so long. I’ve made some great strides in my sobriety and my family loves me, we laugh at dinner and my kids and wife give me random hugs. Could I ask for more?
My truth is that I am vulnerable and I have shut so many people out of my life for one reason: I don’t want you to hurt me.