Less Angry Sober Dude

My daughter says to me, “dad can you not yell at the dog, it scares me”.

Fuck, really?

Yep swore up and down I wouldn’t do that to my kids. There is some progress though, I would have never thought to voice that in my house growing up. Oh hell no.

 

So underneath all the pain, all the rage and all the drama is just a person (me) who is afraid of people. Afraid of people hurting him like they have so many times before. Afraid of the world, of the scary things in the world, of the unexpected things in the world like losing my twin sons two months before they were to be born.

 

God, has it really been 24 years since I got sober? Sometimes I feel like I should be so much more “grown up”, more well-adjusted emotionally just because I have been sober for so long. I’ve made some great strides in my sobriety and my family loves me, we laugh at dinner and my kids and wife give me random hugs. Could I ask for more?

 

My truth is that I am vulnerable and I have shut so many people out of my life for one reason: I don’t want you to hurt me.

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  1. Hey, stranger. Aside from the general tone of fear in the post, you sound like you’re doing pretty well. Good to hear from you.

      • angrysoberdude
      • February 9th, 2013

      Hey! Thanks for stopping by. Yeah, I’m doing ok. Just some general venting.

  2. Wow. Thank you. Been stark raving sober 13 years myself. Original title of my blog was SoberAsshole. Spend my life trying to be less of a tornado.

    • Rebecca Holske
    • March 2nd, 2013

    I LOVE your posts. You are honest and make me feel I am right where I am supposed to be too. I spoke last night and at 16 1/2 years I feel like an infant in sobreity sometimes. Lately I feel just like I am in a lull though.

    Rebecca

      • angrysoberdude
      • March 4th, 2013

      Thanks Rebecca. I’m not sure why I feel like I should be further along emotionally and maturity wise just because I am sober. I do feel that any progress I make counts and counts a lot. It means I am not just staying in the same place.
      Congrats on 16 1/2 years!

  3. Thank you for your blog. I just ran across it and I can relate. 🙂

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