Rage

RAGE!

Can anyone relate?

So my life in sobriety has taken me to a place of few to no crutches. This has left me emotionally raw.

I’m in therapy. I can’t do this by myself.

In stepping away from all the bad habits and addictions in my life I feel like I’m in a state of mind where I can finally see what has been gnawing away at me for all these years. All these sober years. I am angry when the people I care about reject me, make fun of me, ignore me, don’t value me and hate me. I hate it when anyone does that to me but it is such a deep hurt that only Rage will cover it. With Rage I am all powerful and I don’t need anyone. The problem with that is your dog cowers in the corner, your kids can’t figure out your Jeckle and Hyde, and your wife is just tired of it.

And the worse part is that it is  just like drinking, I am powerless over my rage. I say never again and then someone tailgates me and its starts all over again.

So like I said I am in therapy, my wife and I started going to meetings together again and I’ve been praying and staying closer to God more than ever before.

 

I really don’t want to admit that I’m afraid that you will not like me or worse…..you will leave me. It just that simple. I hate this shit.

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  1. I get it. I really do.

    And hey. Change you’re blogroll. Jilli Java has left the building.

      • angrysoberdude
      • October 29th, 2012

      Whoops, as you can tell I don’t get to my blog all that often. Blogroll updated.

  2. Oh I so understand. Glad your still here sharing the journey! And … you want stories of RAGE my friend Trapper would keep you up past your bed time. Cops used to come for him IN meetings, He once had a dude hooked by the neck up against a wall in a meeting for saying something he didn’t like. He’s also, at this point, one of the men I would trust with my kids or my life. Sometimes, many times, guys who have the most rage can also have the deepest wells of love and understanding to help and keep others safe.

      • angrysoberdude
      • October 29th, 2012

      Thanks, I keep thinking there is some great breakthrough just around the corner.

  3. Have you reworked the Steps in a formal way? That’s helped me at times when something seemed insurmountable.

      • angrysoberdude
      • October 29th, 2012

      Can’t ever go wrong working the steps! Thx

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