Can anyone relate?
So my life in sobriety has taken me to a place of few to no crutches. This has left me emotionally raw.
I’m in therapy. I can’t do this by myself.
In stepping away from all the bad habits and addictions in my life I feel like I’m in a state of mind where I can finally see what has been gnawing away at me for all these years. All these sober years. I am angry when the people I care about reject me, make fun of me, ignore me, don’t value me and hate me. I hate it when anyone does that to me but it is such a deep hurt that only Rage will cover it. With Rage I am all powerful and I don’t need anyone. The problem with that is your dog cowers in the corner, your kids can’t figure out your Jeckle and Hyde, and your wife is just tired of it.
And the worse part is that it is just like drinking, I am powerless over my rage. I say never again and then someone tailgates me and its starts all over again.
So like I said I am in therapy, my wife and I started going to meetings together again and I’ve been praying and staying closer to God more than ever before.
I really don’t want to admit that I’m afraid that you will not like me or worse…..you will leave me. It just that simple. I hate this shit.