Archive for April, 2011

Therapy

Is ten too young to start therapy? My daughter has actually requested to see someone because she is sad. She carries her stress in her stomach and spends quite a bit of time in the bathroom. I am looking for a therapist for her now.

Hmmmm.

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Stress

I did not realize the impact stress is having on me. It is driving my paranoia.

– money: living paycheck to paycheck for the last 20 years is killing me

– to thine own self be true: avoiding two areas of my life that provide much fulfillment, friends and music, is making me miserable

– smarts: this battle with myself to measure up, to be as smart as them in order to belong

That is why I need to take care of these issues. I’m done with being crazy. Stop the (crazy) bus I want to get off.

Movies for Dudes – or movies that my wife hates

1. Red Dawn – probably the best movie ever made. Period. The only thing missing from this movie is chewing tobacco.

2. Any Rocky after Rocky II. The guy can’t lose.

3. Sin City – this needs no explanation, if you are a dude.

4. Hot Tub Time Machine – destined to be a classic, especially if you are from the 80s

5. Next of Kin – you do not mess with someones little brother especially when their older brother is Liam Neeson as a hillbilly.

6. Red Dawn – yep, its that good. It needs to be listed twice. Of course I am referring to the upcoming (possible) release of Red Dawn 2011(2012).

7. Three Amigos – duuuuuude, c’mon?! Three Amigos kills. Nuff said.

8. Fried Green TomatosĀ – ahhh, just messing with you, RED DAWN!

9. Any movie that Sarah Palin would star in. Preferably if she played herself.

10. Unforgiven – but not for the first time, dudes could watch that one daily.

Mr Perfect

So here is the corollary to my “I’m not better than/less than you theory” epiphany:

If I continue to live my life in that better than/less than mindset I will never be as good as the next person which means I have to keep trying to become perfect. This is how I have lived my life. It is probably why I am so successful at work and anything else I do but why I am so miserable inside. I can’t enjoy my successes because there is always someone who is better.

I now feel like one of those stupid fucking motivational posters: You are ok just because you are you! But it is true. I am feeling more relaxed around people at meetings, work and even at home. I’ve been as demanding on others as I have on myself.

Who I am

How do I see the world?

Apparently I see myself as either better than you or less than you. Criteria for judgement would include affluence, intelligence, attractiveness, popularity, etc. I find reasons to exclude myself from any group I rightfully belong.

I am not better than the guy who picks up my trash and I’m not less than my doctor, but I think that is how I have been living my life. It has kept me isolated for a very long time.

When I first got sober I had lots of friends in AA. The first ten years were really good for me. I had good relationships.

It has been a couple of months now of going to meetings twice a week and my emotional despair and roller coaster has been leveling off.

I am not less of a person than you are or more of a person than you are. I am just like you, human.