Who am I?

Who are we without our addictions and character defects?

Since I stopped eating sugar and white flower I realize how often I went to the fridge even though I wasn’t hungry but wanted something sweet.

There have been many times too that I put more spending on the card just because I thought what I was buying was what I really needed to make my life finally ok.

Places on the internet that I shouldn’t be at. We’ll just leave it at that.

Any distraction that gets me high, to kill the pain.

Exploding in rage at whatever perceived injustice I happen to stumble upon.

Who am I without those things in my life? I feel like they are slipping away, no longer providing the relief they once did.  Same as my bottom with alcohol.

Lately I’ve been taking the time to stop and talk to people. Let them tell me about their day, their kids, their dogs. Who knew how simple and wonderful that could be?

  1. I have found that people just want to be heard. We don’t even need to respond. Just listen. Which is a flippin’ relief for me, because I never know what to say. But I’m pretty good with a smile and a hug.

    The giving up the sugar thing is amazing. I don’t have a sweet tooth, and don’t ingest much in the way of refined carbs, but I’ve gone the Atkins route before and about lost my mind.

  2. I don’t know, but I feel strikingly similar. I’m closer to feeling ok than I ever was drunk (thanks to AA), but I think I will always have a little bit of that nagging feeling…that feeling of… I don’t know, but I think you get it.

      • angrysoberdude
      • March 28th, 2011

      That nagging feeling of….

      ………needing that “something”.

      Something to look forward to? It is more than that.

      That guarantee of bliss?

      When I think of a living a day just doing what I need to and not do anything I shouldn’t, it unnerves me.

      I want that though. I am willing to try to live like that. I think it is possible to get that “something” monkey off my back.

      When I am trying to live like that I feel like it is finally my life. Its like my first car. It was a piece of crap but it was mine and it gave me the freedom to finally escape my family.

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