…..and the truth comes out.

So, pretty much after my very good friend in AA moved to another state I stopped going to meetings regularly. This was about nine years ago.

I haven’t connected with anyone in or out of the rooms since then. It wasn’t a conscious decision to stop going regularly. Looking back now I can see all the failed attempts at friendship. The last straw was when I put myself out again (about 4 years ago) and got a sponsor. I started hanging around him and his bunch until the TIRADE he went on at business meeting. Screaming at a newcomer. WTF?!? What a (by popular demand) douchebag.

Still, my response of never calling him or going to the same meetings as him probably wasn’t the best idea. I just figured it was better than kicking his ass. I did want to too. So I walked away.

I don’t do well when I lose people that mean something to me. I guess I’m starting to see a pattern here. I isolate after I get hurt or disappointed. I miss my friend. A lot.

Pick myself up, brush myself off and back to another meeting. I’m attending two meetings regularly now. People recognize me when I walk in the door which is a good thing. I even hung out after the meeting and talked to a few people.

Still, I have got to say that life without sugar is really weird. I’m no longer falling asleep after lunch, even broccoli tastes amazing and that Subaru commercial with the little girl waiting for her dad to give her the keys while she is sitting behind the wheel definitely brings a tear to the eye (that’s the sugar, I swear).

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  1. sounds like you’re starting to see light in the darkness! I know what you mean about missing your friend.

    I hate it when the most attractive spirit and personalities in our lives leave or dissapear or move or just get busy or weird.

    I’m sorry that one person’s bad reaction drove you away from AA completely, so many do that instead of staying and becoming what they want to see in the world/fellowship/meeting.

    I have wanted to walk out a few times because of peoples behavior and my perception of the affect on others, and the affect to me, but… I keep trudging and I find that I’m accepted despite my many flaws too even though I sometimes behave badly.

  2. Be easy on yourself, ASD. You may have disappeared from the meetings, but you DID start reaching out on the blogs. That’s what I did, too, when I stopped going to meetings after I moved. It was as if gOd simply wouldn’t let me walk away completely, you know?

    Just take it one day at a time and practice forgiveness with any douchebags that you run across. Lord knows there will be a few.

    I have great hope for you 🙂

    • angrysoberdude
    • March 19th, 2011

    I have to say that I have come across a couple of great people in AA right here in the blogging world.

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