I’m pretty tired

Do you have to actually turn around and go back and see what it is your running from or will it catch up to you if you just stop.

I sent someone an angry email and then apologized for it. On my drive home I started to cry because I consider him a friend. What is this thing inside me that won’t let me be? It is scary because I think it knows that I am reaching out to people and it wants no part of it. How odd it is that you can be at war with yourself.

I used to think that I had all the time in the world to change. Now twenty-one sober years later I realize that the years go by quickly and if nothing changes, nothing changes.

We know each other as if almost by instinct but it’s not. Its experience. Those who have been there emanate something. We always seem to find each other too. For better or for worse.

Today I am trying to help myself feel better without making myself feel worse.

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  1. I hate to admit it, the fact that I can relate to you when you tell the truth about what you’ve done gives courage to us who are younger in fellowship to keep doing the right things as we trudge too. Cause I do that too.

    • mason
    • February 19th, 2010

    I’ve felt at war with myself for years. That innocent 17 year old that I once was is still lying there in the dirt with little birdies and stars swirling around his head wondering what that truck was that ran over him. I’m 40 now, sometimes I think the war has gone on long enough.. -mason (food addict)

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