Archive for February, 2010

I’m ok

So at the meeting last night some guy starts going off about how someone with 17 years shared something that he disagreed with and he is never ever, ever going back to that meeting again. He was so appalled that he thought about going over to the guy and smacking him.

Wow.

I seriously have no issues compared to this guy. Just a reminder to myself that AA is full of sick people. It was a good meeting though.

I’m pretty tired

Do you have to actually turn around and go back and see what it is your running from or will it catch up to you if you just stop.

I sent someone an angry email and then apologized for it. On my drive home I started to cry because I consider him a friend. What is this thing inside me that won’t let me be? It is scary because I think it knows that I am reaching out to people and it wants no part of it. How odd it is that you can be at war with yourself.

I used to think that I had all the time in the world to change. Now twenty-one sober years later I realize that the years go by quickly and if nothing changes, nothing changes.

We know each other as if almost by instinct but it’s not. Its experience. Those who have been there emanate something. We always seem to find each other too. For better or for worse.

Today I am trying to help myself feel better without making myself feel worse.

We need bad guys.

I really have learned the most about myself in the last three years at my new job. It turns out my “nemesis” has been the greatest source of my growth. It has only been through my constant questioning of why I get so pissed at him that I have uncovered some real golden nuggets of knowledge about who I am and how I am around others.

However it is good that I don’t have the ability to shoot lightning out my fingers lest I smoke my source of growth.