Jacob’s Ladder

Have you seen it? The demons were actually friends letting Jacob know it was time to let go.

I have some “friends”, pain, fear, uncertainty, doubt, depression and hopelessness. I choose to keep going. I choose to keep growing. I know that I can only run from something I’m afraid of for so long. If I don’t drink (and I haven’t) I will have to face it sooner or later.

My father and his wife are withering away physically. Every time we visit them they get worse. It is hard on me emotionally to see them. I am happy though that I can bring my wife and kids to visit with them for a few hours and give them some joy.

None of this would be possible if I was still drinking.

I have to face the pain today that as fucked up as my Dad was growing up that I love him and it breaks my heart to see him falling apart.

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  1. I hope that my son feels that way about me… maybe some day he can say, well she was fucked up, but I love her anyways.

    • mindy
    • August 10th, 2009

    My younger sister, who never fell into the abyss like i did, has so much anger toward our mother, maybe because she didn’t make the same mistakes. She can’t understand how i can forgive – but i know what it’s like to fuck up too. we all get to the same place in the end.

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