Archive for May, 2009

Hundred mile an hour Corey

pontiac-firebird-1974b

 

I learned one of the most important things I needed to know about how to stay sober and be happy in the first few months of my sobriety.

I was at an AA dance without a car and lost my ride home. This guy Corey I knew from meetings said he would give me a ride home. He had a older Firebird (70s ish?) that was pretty fast. So as were driving down Route 1 he is telling me how he stays sober is by going against himself every time he is afraid. Whenever he was afraid to share at a meeting he would force himself to stick his hand up. When he was afraid to share with his sponsor what was in his fourth step he did it anyway. He went against himself.

It stuck. I think it stuck because while he was preaching I was gripping the door handle tight and looking at the speedometer which was reading just over 100mph.

I was afraid to talk to the woman who would become my wife, I was afraid to share the shameful things I did while drinking in my fifth step, I was afraid to go to California to take on a very difficult and technical job that I was convinced I was not qualified for and I was afraid to step out on the stage in front of 1500 screaming metal fans who were not there to see my band.

These are the life changing experiences for me that were all possible because of one alcoholic helping another.

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Sobriety

time

How in the hell do people even have time to drink? You know what I’m saying?

My days are so busy I need more time just to get the basic things done. However the busier my life gets the more it seems to fly by. Time seems to go slower sitting in chair staring at the walls. Boring.

I try not to waste the time in my days anymore. There is always something to do. Whether it is cleaning something, hanging with my kids or work around the house I am trying to not waste  the time. Even my drive to work in the morning is fairly productive. I listen to Food For the Journey for 15 minutes and then say my morning prayers for about 20 minutes.

Its good. It feels better than just mindlessly making my way through my day. It is just that it makes the time go by faster. Maybe this bothers me. Maybe I’m not in a hurry to get to the end.

I’ve added another meeting to my week.

Great Day

Today was take your kids to work day.

Lets see, we started the day with Dunkin Donuts, followed by watching a helicopter land, then sitting in said helicopter, smashing pennies after they have been frozen in liquid nitrogen, petting snakes, turtles and a crocodile skull, looking at the sun through a telescope, sitting at Dad’s computer. Then lunch at McDonald’s followed by a quick modest trip to ToysRUs. Top it off with some “super highs” on the swing set at home. All in all I would say it was a pretty cool day with Dad.

I am blessed. I am always reminded that this was not the way my life was headed before AA. Miracles happen in AA. Today is my proof.

Wasted Time

I got sober fairly young so I don’t feel like I threw away too much of my life drinking. I see people in their 70’s  come into AA and get sober for the first time. I think of all the years they spent not really living their lives.

I’ve been sober twenty years and the time has gone by pretty quick. It is pretty strange how fast the time goes by. I’ve been meaning to get back into karate for the last twenty years and it just hasn’t happened. There are a few other things too that I’ve been meaning to do since I got sober but it is too late since those years are gone.

My oldest daughter is eight and my youngest has just turned six. I’ve been meaning to spend more time playing with them. I’ve been meaning to just spend more time with them period. If I say not right now one more time I’m going to punch myself in the face. What is so fucking important in my life that I can’t spend time with them?

Tick, tick, tick……….