Why do I keep doing this to myself?

When I pray for God to fix some part of me, some character defect, things always get harder.

I asked God why am I so angry still? Please fix me I prayed. I’ve been praying it for days and things went from hard to harder.

At work my boss gave me the best review in my entire career and can’t say enough good things about my work. My nemesis at work (a very bright engineer with some serious personality disorder) again in a passive aggressive way stated he thought them hiring me two years ago was a big mistake.

I pray for this jerkoff everyday.

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  1. What an ass.

  2. What does fixing you look like? Is it possible that God just needs someone as dedicated to praying for the jerk-off as you are because of your dedication to the Principle. That in this case your perceived character defect is actually an asset to God right now? He intervenes in our lives before we can ask for it, do others ask for it for us? Is it possible that God moves through words and words are spoken by others because they are angry, hurt, frustrated and scared? That he moves through the Anger to bring light, and through the hurt to bring healing, not to us, but to the others that we breath words on.

    Your boss has ‘experienced’ your hard work and dedication and has evaluated his experience with you and your work positively.

    Your nemesis has given you his opinion of his ideas LOL 2 years ago.

    I don’t put a lot of stock in opinions these days, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and everyone else’s stinks.

    I pray that God continues to show himself to you through your boss, and lets you shows God to the asshole from the Light that you get from your boss!

    And thanks for reminding me that I have to pray for the assholes in my life, I forget… a lot.

  3. From what I am learning the chaos going on inside is all part of the process of ‘fixing’ ourselves… trust me when i say I understand the sentiment.

    • betterman1
    • January 23rd, 2009

    Sometimes, I can take the high road in situations like that. And sometimes, I just have to throw shit like a zoo monkey.

    I’m trying to stay out of the zoo. Forming my “shit” into a question before I throw it sometimes helps.

    • Kathy
    • January 26th, 2009

    Thanks for reminding me to pray for assholes. I’ll try to keep that in mind as I begin my day today.

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