Archive for January, 2009

And the Phds were wrong

A large percentage of the people I work with are Phds in some engineering or scientific field. I assume they are always right. I barely got my BA in physics so what do I know. Apparently better than they do. It turns out my feeble protest(on Friday)  over how a task was to be performed was right. However the Dr who insulted me telling me that I should know what I am doing was wrong.

Bang! Put that in your abacus and smoke it, fucker!

The point is that I always worry about looking stupid and being wrong. These guys make mistakes all the time. They don’t worry about how they look. They fix it and move on.

Why is it not ok for me to make mistakes and ask questions? In my performance review this year I got the highest rating my company gives out. One of the attributes they say I exhibit is a willingness to fail. At first I didn’t understand how that could be a positive attribute?

Now I get it.

East coast winter

Blah.

I really do miss all the sunshine we had in Colorado. Being back east during the winter is draining. Day after day of cold and dark and sick is tiring. I am ready for spring. Give me some sun.

Since the CD player in my car died I had stopped listening to it at all. One morning about two years ago when we first moved back east I happened across an AM radio program called Food For the Journey. Sister Ann Shields does her program Monday through Friday at the same time I leave for work. If I am in the car I never miss it. This morning she said that any small step we take towards God he will reward us tenfold (not an exact quote). So the thought is going through my head for the lady on the road in front of me this morning doing 25 in a 45 mph zone, for every inch I back off her bumper I will be ten times closer to God.

Today was a really good day at work despite the lack of sun.

I think maybe we moved back here just so I could hear her program.

And once again what am I thankful for

At the top of my list is my sobriety.

My wife. My kids.

I’ve been so busy lately with work and being a Dad that sometimes (way too often) being a husband gets pushed to the back burner. Tonight my wife and I had a chance just to sit and talk for almost two hours about what is going on with her, what is going on with our kids and then we watched the Matrix together. Cool!

I saw her for the first time in an AA meeting about 19 years ago. I think the first thought in my head was DAMN SHE IS HOT! My next thought was WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE BUDDY. In March we will have been together for 18 years.

I still think she is still way out of my league but I guess that is for the best.

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

When I pray for God to fix some part of me, some character defect, things always get harder.

I asked God why am I so angry still? Please fix me I prayed. I’ve been praying it for days and things went from hard to harder.

At work my boss gave me the best review in my entire career and can’t say enough good things about my work. My nemesis at work (a very bright engineer with some serious personality disorder) again in a passive aggressive way stated he thought them hiring me two years ago was a big mistake.

I pray for this jerkoff everyday.

Kids change everything

Ever love someone so bad it hurts?

I took my kids to indoor soccer this morning and felt truly blessed to be a part of their lives today.

If only I could get out of my head more to be with them more. I really hope I am not screwing them up.

First time ever quoting from the bible

If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.

1 John 4:20

 

I acknowledge God as the reason I have been able to stay sober. I also feel like I do have a good relationship with him. And kidding aside with the whole angrysoberdude thing I really do have a problem with anger.

Today I was the cause of a major mistake at work because I really am angry with someone I work with. He is almost always asleep when I come in and he can’t be bothered with the “details”.  In trying to slight him on something minor I screwed up something major.

God loves this guy just as much as me and I feel like He pointed that out to me today.

Bowling sober dude

Our league bowls on Thursday nights.

Here are my scores from tonight: 96, 132, 146. Yes, I know I rule.

Things really change when I pray for people who make me really angry.

Pomegrantes are the best fruit on the planet.

Here is the last random sentence.