Archive for November, 2008

The only way out is through

First of all thanks to everyone who comments on and visits my blog. I never really expected anyone to show.

Thanks for letting me share what is bothering me without judging me.

I do read your blogs. I’m sorry if I don’t always comment. I am a man of few words. I can relate to so many and what you are going through.

I guess the one thing I really want to pass on is DON’T GIVE UP, EVER. I’ve been through some hellacious moments and times in my sobriety and on the other side of them has always been SERENITY.

Always.

Everyone of those times has brought me into a closer relationship with my Higher Power. When things get tough I go more to God.

Friends

Why is it so hard to make new friends?

It seems to me like people on the East Coast are just particularly cold. The place I work seems to be filled with people who just don’t give a shit about anyone else. They are all just chasing the dollar, prestige or promotion.

It seem like I had an easier time making friends in the program when I was new. It keeps getting harder. I keep losing good friends to moving (both mine and theirs). We went to lunch with my sister-in-law today to say goodbye. They are moving to the other side of the country, just two years after we moved back to be closer to them.

I am sad. I will miss her and her family.

Yet another one moves away.

There is a solution

My approach to life brought me plenty of misery. By the time I reached nineteen I couldn’t take it anymore. My solution was always to drink.

AA gave me a new solution.

Today I am willing to listen and accept a new way of living life. I never like to be told what to do especially when I am wrong. Everyday I am sober there is the opportunity for me to get over another old way of dealing with life and replace it with a healthy grown up one. (<—- wow, did I really just type that?)

I am an alcoholic and have been convinced by example that AA works and life DOES get better to boot.

The more I remain open and willing to listen to others and follow their example of how to live, the better my life gets.

Pain

Avoid pain at all costs. I think that is why I started drinking at the age of twelve. Drinking to get drunk too.

My first sponsor gave me an exercise that I will never forget. He told me to sit for one hour in a chair and unless the room was on fire to not get up. He said just sit. I was about one month sober at the time and twenty years old. It was a miracle that I made it all the way through.

It is amazing how my mind unwinds and solutions to my problems just seem to appear when I just sit. Why don’t I do this everyday? Life is too full of distractions. There are too many distractions in life that temporarily kill the pain of my problems. Some of them are highly effective and leave me feeling hollow.

Why can’t I stop running from pain?

Here again

Ever been to that dark place when it looks like nothing is good?

When you get up and do everything you are supposed to and at the end of the day you climb into bed and feel like it all just sucked? And your not looking forward to anything in the near or distant future? You just want to be left alone and not have to hear from the world at all.

Maybe it is just the rain.

Reunion!

So the 25th Rutgers Sober Housing reunion was awesome last night. One of my old sponsors was there and many friends. The lady who started it all (Lisa) said she is working with other colleges who are now providing sober housing and counseling for students. What a great idea. Get people sober early.

It is good thing I didn’t get into MIT.

Just do it

My home group in New Jersey would make sure a person at a meeting for the first time would not leave without a copy of the Big Book. That book was my lifeline to AA until I went back for my second meeting two months later.

At the end of the meeting watch the people who run for the door as soon as the meeting is over. They are the ones who really need to talk to someone (or have to pick up their kids at the sitters). I try to position myself outside the door as soon as the meeting is over and snag one or two of them. They might be running out the door to go drink or worse….