The truth is I don’t want to let anyone in.
I’ve been hurt enough times that I just decided to not let people in. Oh, sure I will go to meetings and talk to people and start to make some friends and then WHAMMO! someone has taken my inventory and judged me. Then I see the horrendous things some people with a lot of time will do. I dropped my last sponsor when berated the ENTIRE group when they asked him not to single a guy out and humiliate him during the meeting. Did we really need to tell him that?
I have no choice though. I can’t live in a vaccum. The pain of isolation is way more painful than the pain of relationships that fail.
I am not perfect nor will I ever be. Please understand that just because I have been sober for 19 years doesn’t mean I am supposed to be some sort of spiritual guru. I am sober because God keeps me sober. I keep going to meetings because they are the answer to my drinking problem and my people problem.
The truth is I survived a violent, frightening and unpredictable childhood. One that my children will never have to experience.