Archive for August, 2008

VACATION!

A week down at the Jersey shore and I am feeling much  better. I needed that.

Lessons learned: when life gives you lemons make lemonade, when life gives you lemonade share it with your friends and family.

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Just because I can

What sucks at work is that I do what needs to be done and they give me more responsibilities. My boss loves me because I do everything he asks and I never give him any shit.

I just want to be left alone. They see my talent but it is not for them. It is mine. Mine. Period.

I guess I am mostly pissed because I hate to have to give my time and energy to THEM. My first sponsor asked me how good a guitar player I would be if I spent as much effort on guitar as I did on getting an engineering degree. He saved my life.

I raised my hand at a beginners meeting with about two weeks sober and said I was going out drinking that night if no one could talk me out of it. He was my sponsor by the end of the meeting. He didn’t have to even look at me yet he saved my life.

I can’t be me.

Ten Years Gone

Today marks the tenth anniversary of the death of my twin sons.

Ten years ago this week I walked into the doctors office with my wife extremely excited to see the ultra sound of my sons. Three days later they would be dead. Dissapointed doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt.

Some wounds NEVER heal.

Nature vs Nurture

So my whole life I think I am fucking stupid and ugly because that is what I was told growing up. It turns out that is not the truth.

The only one thing I ever done right consistently is not give up.

By not giving up I’ve become very successful at work. Apparently I am handsome to boot. Go figure.

What is my point? It doesnt matter because no one reads my blog anyway. The point is WHO WOULD I BE IF I HAD BEEN RAISED BY DIFFERENT PARENTS? This is not whining about poor me, my life is really good. BUT what I am struggling with is: am I really an engineer or am I musician gone astray?

I can do engineering and do enjoy it but in my heart I am a musician who loves playing live and being on the road.

Such small glimpses I catch of my Creator that just resonate my soul. I think if I saw completely I would be torn into pieces.

There is nothing in this world that could ever justify treating another human being like shit. Nothing.

I fail everyday.