Survey says! ————->

We are thinking of getting two kittens and a puppy. Anyone want to talk me out (or in) of it?

Goodbye

So I am up to my eyeballs in a crazy work schedule just trying to hang in there and I get the call from my wife.

Our cat is dying. She is at the vet with both kids and everyone is crying. Today was her last day.

Fifteen years ago I picked her up from the animal shelter in Bloomingdale New Jersey. She moved everywhere with us, Colorado, California, Colorado again and finally back here to the east coast. She lived a good life and drove me crazy but I will still miss her.

Goodbye Patterson.

Thinking

What is it about thinking that requires so much effort? It’s not like you have to lift anything.

Come up with a thesis and write a twenty page paper to prove or support it. How about a whole book to  support it? That would require a lot of thinking.

The next few weeks at work are requiring me to do a lot of  thinking/math/organization. I can feel the drain on me physically as well as mentally. I can solve the Rubix cube, but all I did was memorize the instructions from off the web. I consider that cheating. Almost anyone can follow a procedure.

What if I had to solve the cube myself. No instructions? I’m not sure I could do it. I’m not sure I want to do it. The level of effort and thinking would be highly unpleasant. Why is that?

I don’t think it was unpleasant for Einstein or Newton to think about physics and the laws of the universe. It did require effort on their part.

I’m sure I could figure out the answer to this but I really don’t want to think about it.

Jacob’s Ladder

Have you seen it? The demons were actually friends letting Jacob know it was time to let go.

I have some “friends”, pain, fear, uncertainty, doubt, depression and hopelessness. I choose to keep going. I choose to keep growing. I know that I can only run from something I’m afraid of for so long. If I don’t drink (and I haven’t) I will have to face it sooner or later.

My father and his wife are withering away physically. Every time we visit them they get worse. It is hard on me emotionally to see them. I am happy though that I can bring my wife and kids to visit with them for a few hours and give them some joy.

None of this would be possible if I was still drinking.

I have to face the pain today that as fucked up as my Dad was growing up that I love him and it breaks my heart to see him falling apart.

Yodels

 

I love Yodels even though they pretty much suck now.

Ok, so I have had this conversation about Yodels about a hundred times and it still gets me fired up.

Do you remember Yodels about thirty years ago? They weren’t the same as they are now. First of all they were made with real chocolate, not this mostly wax bullshit. They were also individually wrapped in foil. The cakes were soft and the filling creamy.

The whole world is going this way. Companies are under great pressure from shareholders to show compounded annual growth of 10% or more each year or else. So what happens? Yodels get fucked in the ass because some greedy fuck needs another yacht. Booooo!

I would gladly pay $10 for a box of real Yodels (about double the price) but some dickhead executive buyer at Walmart would find a way to fuck that up too. Booooo on Walmart where the policy is that we will not be undersold because we will give shit away at a loss until our competitors fold and our suppliers fuck their employees out of a reasonable wage.

I have hope though. Yesterday I had a bowl of Raisin Bran and I could swear there were three scoops in that box.

I digress.

Weekends

I like weekends!

asd

Day off

Well, actually it will be three days off in a row. I’ve worked the last 16 days in a row and its starting to wear on me. I find myself losing the self motivation to do things at work (not good). So the next three days I will spend in our kidde pool with the kids and I think a night or two of take out is in order.

Work is good, too much work is no good. I feel a day of fishing coming on.

Dream Theater

Hey, the new Dream Theater album is out. I mean the new CD is out.

They will always be albums to me. I still remember the first one I bought myself. I was 11 and taking guitar lessons at a local music store. They also sold records. This was way before Best Buy. I bought Aerosmith’s Live Bootleg. What a great album. I still have it. Its at my dad’s house. It now looks like a Lays Wavy Chip.

Anyway the new DT album has some lyrics right out of the Big Book in it. Hmmm.

So DT still tears it up after all these years. Some cools jams on the album and some just ok stuff on it.

Good day today. Rode my mower around the yard because the FUCKING RAIN stopped for like ten minutes. Man I have had enough of the rain.

We moved the kids bedtime an hour later and I let them ride their bikes out front almost all on their own. They are growing up.

I pray on the way to work in the morning. Its 45 minutes worth of praying. The favorite part of my praying is asking God to watch over Destiny and her brother. Both their parents ran out on them. Why does it make me feel so serene? I think its because I feel in my heart that my prayer is making a difference in their lives.

Today was a good day.

Goofiness

Sorry for the goofiness lately but I’m in pain. My brother is going through a long drawn out divorce and its so fucking hard watching him go through it. I love my brother and we went through living fucking hell growing up. I take some refuge in the fact that today my life is so good but he has yet another pile of shit from people who are supposed to love you. I went fishing with him a few days ago and it was hard. He was on his cell phone to his kids and you could tell when his wife got on the phone. I feel cursed. My brother and I are capable of extreme emotions from tenderness to rage. I just feel like we got a bum start and are stuck with that RAGE. No wonder we are both metal heads. Anyway sorry for the goofy posts lately, I’m just not in a good place.

Hi, hello.

This is my most meaningful post yet.

1.