Weekends

I like weekends!

asd

Day off

Well, actually it will be three days off in a row. I’ve worked the last 16 days in a row and its starting to wear on me. I find myself losing the self motivation to do things at work (not good). So the next three days I will spend in our kidde pool with the kids and I think a night or two of take out is in order.

Work is good, too much work is no good. I feel a day of fishing coming on.

Dream Theater

Hey, the new Dream Theater album is out. I mean the new CD is out.

They will always be albums to me. I still remember the first one I bought myself. I was 11 and taking guitar lessons at a local music store. They also sold records. This was way before Best Buy. I bought Aerosmith’s Live Bootleg. What a great album. I still have it. Its at my dad’s house. It now looks like a Lays Wavy Chip.

Anyway the new DT album has some lyrics right out of the Big Book in it. Hmmm.

So DT still tears it up after all these years. Some cools jams on the album and some just ok stuff on it.

Good day today. Rode my mower around the yard because the FUCKING RAIN stopped for like ten minutes. Man I have had enough of the rain.

We moved the kids bedtime an hour later and I let them ride their bikes out front almost all on their own. They are growing up.

I pray on the way to work in the morning. Its 45 minutes worth of praying. The favorite part of my praying is asking God to watch over Destiny and her brother. Both their parents ran out on them. Why does it make me feel so serene? I think its because I feel in my heart that my prayer is making a difference in their lives.

Today was a good day.

Goofiness

Sorry for the goofiness lately but I’m in pain. My brother is going through a long drawn out divorce and its so fucking hard watching him go through it. I love my brother and we went through living fucking hell growing up. I take some refuge in the fact that today my life is so good but he has yet another pile of shit from people who are supposed to love you. I went fishing with him a few days ago and it was hard. He was on his cell phone to his kids and you could tell when his wife got on the phone. I feel cursed. My brother and I are capable of extreme emotions from tenderness to rage. I just feel like we got a bum start and are stuck with that RAGE. No wonder we are both metal heads. Anyway sorry for the goofy posts lately, I’m just not in a good place.

Hi, hello.

This is my most meaningful post yet.

1.

Blah

Blah, blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah? Blah blah.

Blah……….  blah blah.

Blah,

Blah

Hundred mile an hour Corey

 

I learned one of the most important things I needed to know about how to stay sober and be happy in the first few months of my sobriety.

I was at an AA dance without a car and lost my ride home. This guy Corey I knew from meetings said he would give me a ride home. He had a older Firebird (70s ish?) that was pretty fast. So as were driving down Route 1 he is telling me how he stays sober is by going against himself every time he is afraid. Whenever he was afraid to share at a meeting he would force himself to stick his hand up. When he was afraid to share with his sponsor what was in his fourth step he did it anyway. He went against himself.

It stuck. I think it stuck because while he was preaching I was gripping the door handle tight and looking at the speedometer which was reading just over 100mph.

I was afraid to talk to the woman who would become my wife, I was afraid to share the shameful things I did while drinking in my fifth step, I was afraid to go to California to take on a very difficult and technical job that I was convinced I was not qualified for and I was afraid to step out on the stage in front of 1500 screaming metal fans who were not there to see my band.

These are the life changing experiences for me that were all possible because of one alcoholic helping another.

Sobriety

How in the hell do people even have time to drink? You know what I’m saying?

My days are so busy I need more time just to get the basic things done. However the busier my life gets the more it seems to fly by. Time seems to go slower sitting in chair staring at the walls. Boring.

I try not to waste the time in my days anymore. There is always something to do. Whether it is cleaning something, hanging with my kids or work around the house I am trying to not waste  the time. Even my drive to work in the morning is fairly productive. I listen to Food For the Journey for 15 minutes and then say my morning prayers for about 20 minutes.

Its good. It feels better than just mindlessly making my way through my day. It is just that it makes the time go by faster. Maybe this bothers me. Maybe I’m not in a hurry to get to the end.

I’ve added another meeting to my week.

Great Day

Today was take your kids to work day.

Lets see, we started the day with Dunkin Donuts, followed by watching a helicopter land, then sitting in said helicopter, smashing pennies after they have been frozen in liquid nitrogen, petting snakes, turtles and a crocodile skull, looking at the sun through a telescope, sitting at Dad’s computer. Then lunch at McDonald’s followed by a quick modest trip to ToysRUs. Top it off with some “super highs” on the swing set at home. All in all I would say it was a pretty cool day with Dad.

I am blessed. I am always reminded that this was not the way my life was headed before AA. Miracles happen in AA. Today is my proof.

Wasted Time

I got sober fairly young so I don’t feel like I threw away too much of my life drinking. I see people in their 70’s  come into AA and get sober for the first time. I think of all the years they spent not really living their lives.

I’ve been sober twenty years and the time has gone by pretty quick. It is pretty strange how fast the time goes by. I’ve been meaning to get back into karate for the last twenty years and it just hasn’t happened. There are a few other things too that I’ve been meaning to do since I got sober but it is too late since those years are gone.

My oldest daughter is eight and my youngest has just turned six. I’ve been meaning to spend more time playing with them. I’ve been meaning to just spend more time with them period. If I say not right now one more time I’m going to punch myself in the face. What is so fucking important in my life that I can’t spend time with them?

Tick, tick, tick……….